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The Coach House, Cross Hayes, Malmesbury SN169DF

How do we talk to ourselves?


Do you talk to yourself very often?

The fact is – we all do..

It’s whether or not we talk kindly to ourselves or whether we talk negatively to ourselves.

The habit of self-talk starts when we are children – how many of you had imaginary friends??

So it becomes a natural thing to do.

 Some people talk out loud to themselves while standing in front of a mirror. While others talk silently with an inner dialogue.

Self-talk varies from person to person according to his stress or anti-stress conditions.

So why do we talk to ourselves and what are the effects?

How do we talk to ourselves?

Every person, no matter, which age group talks to himself. Your self-talk can be loud or it can be a constant chatter going on inside your mind. The voice of self-talking is there inside every person throughout the journey of his life. We talk to ourselves in two ways. The first way can be a positive talk while the second one can be a negative talk.

  • Positive self-talk: Positive self-talk is more a sort of supportive and affirming one. Encouraging yourself to do things and crack on with things in life. Things like – “I have the confidence to do this.” Or “ I know exercising will do me good”
  • Negative self-talk: Look, thinking about a problem is not bad but thinking about a problem constantly over a long-time and ruminating over small issues is negative self-talk. Rumination when done frequently leads a person towards stress, anxiety, and depression. You will get an idea from the following statement that how negative self-talk affects your personality. ‘‘I look so fat in this dress, Look at my thighs and chubby cheeks. Surely, I can never get a date. Why I am so fat? Why am I so useless?’’ All this kind of talk makes a person more diffident and anti-social as well.

Why do we talk to ourselves?

Normally, there are many reasons for a person when they self-talk. Sometimes, you want to listen to what is going on in your mind. At the other times, you just want to question your thoughts whether they are correct or not. It is also possible that you are going through emotional trauma and you just feel good while talking to yourself. There can also be other reasons for talking to yourself.

  • Listen to yourself: Every person has a chatterbox inside that is constantly doing a commentary. Not everything coming out of that chatterbox is meaningful. You need to focus that what you need to listen to is coming out of you or not. For this purpose, you need to write those thoughts on a paper on which you are trying to focus or listen.
  • Going through emotional trauma: When a person is going through emotional trauma, they are more likely to talk to themselves. They talk to themselves to revive some good memories, flip the situation, and sometimes pacify themselves.

What would you do if you hear someone talking in the same way as you talk to yourselves?

There will be times when you’ll hear someone talking to themselves in the same way you talk to yourself. You need to be concerned about 2 conditions quite well. The first one is what would you do if you listen to someone who positively talks to himself. The second one can be what would you do if you listen to someone negatively talking to himself.

  • Listening to someone doing positive self-talk: When you listen to someone who is doing an encouraging and heartening talk, it will leave a positive impact on you.

You will feel more confident that doing positive self-talk will make you confident, in control, more  self-assured.

  • Listening to someone doing negative self-talk: When you listen to someone doing negative self-talk, you must not get influenced in any way. Rather, you need to talk to that person and assure them that the situation won’t last for long.

Consequences of talking to yourself:

There are certain consequences of talking to yourself but it all depends upon which type of self-talk are you doing?

1- Consequences of positive self-talk:

  • It introduces self-confidence.
  • It provides self-assurance.
  • It makes you feel motivated and inspired.

2- Consequences of negative self-talk:

  • It makes you critical.
  • It makes you shy.
  • You will have zero confidence in yourself.

When to change the habit of self-talking and how to change it?

When you feel that self-taking is making your personality negative or remorseful, you need to stop talking to yourself as it is no longer helpful. Constant chattering inside in a negative manner will make you critical and disinclined. You need to change it immediately. Following things will help you to get rid of the habit of self-talking.

  • Surround yourself with more positive people so that you don’t find any time for negative self-thinking.
  • Entail a healthy environment around yourself. This will make you happier and healthier.
  • Keep yourself pacific and pay less heed to negative energies radiating around you.
  • Absorb all positive energies around you which give you happiness. It can be working, eating, shopping, socializing, or any other thing.

In a nutshell, taking to yourself is not a bad habit. It is a productive thing that makes you more prompt, punctual, productive, and responsible. It builds self-confidence in a person and they feel much more assured about how to interact with their surroundings. Taking to yourself becomes harmful when a person is constantly criticizing themself over petty issues or small things. The process of self-criticism will not only make them diffident and aggressive but will also lead them to stress, anxiety, and depression.


If you need help with your self- talk then drop me a message and let’s get you in control of it.

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